"It often gets me thinking when I hear MilSos express how annoyed they are when their other half doesn't call. I totally understand the desire for the call and it certainly can be frustrating when they can call you but you can't call them when you want to. I get the desire to want to spend time with them and want to hear their voices. I know the loneliness. But sometimes it just sounds very immature particularly when the other half is in a war zone, on a ship, working long shifts every day and calling is not always easy.
Here are a few reasons to consider that explain why he might not call:
1) He's worked a 12-hour shift and it was really crummy. He's allowed to be exhausted. It doesn't mean he loves you any less. His number one job is to hold himself together for his unit. That means he has to take care of himself and keep himself rested and well, which is nearly impossible to do most of the time.
2) Due to situations beyond his control he does not have any private place where he can call.
3) The situation may have changed at work and the time he thought he would be free is no longer free to him.
4) He might be missing home too much to call. Sometimes it hurts to be away more than he wants to discuss or feel.
5) He may be taking a little time to have a little fun. This doesn't always come at the perfect time, but I think they should be entitled to have fun with coworkers when it presents itself. Sometimes that might mean they have to bump a call. But again it's no knock against you.
6) Maybe his stress level is high and he doesn't want to pass that on to you. Or he just can't hear any more about your problems and complaints about the distance. There isn't much he can do to help and sometimes it becomes overwhelmingly frustrating to hear it and not be able to help.
7) Maybe he's giving you space to stand on your own and be more independent. Sometimes we gals can get a little too dare I say "desperate" sounding with our I Miss Yous and Why Aren't You Here With Mes. Sometimes we need the space to step up to the plate.
8) There may be an emergency situations. That could mean communications blackouts, they are on a last minute mission, there has been an incident they have to be totally focused on or something else that is critical they focus on. Being at home pouting and stomping our feet because we didn't get a call seems particularly embarrassing in this scenario!
I know there are other very valid reasons why they don't call some days. The key is to not take it personally or get overly worked up about it. Don't let it wreck your whole day. He's just one person, it's just one call. There are plenty of other great interactions and good things we can incorporate into a day. Part of growing up and getting older is to find balance in relationships, how we use our time, what we focus our thoughts on.
While calls are pretty fantastic and awesome, our lives shouldn't totally revolve around them. Surely we have more good we can bring to the world if we focus some of our time and thoughts elsewhere during the day. Men want to be with women more when they feel it's not demanded or necessary to keep the woman pulled together. A little independence is a very sexy thing and that allows us to be fabulous rather than annoying when they do have time to call. And I think that means they'll do more to try to call more often when they get lovely on the other end, instead of "WHERE WERE YOU!" or "I WAITED FOR HOURS FOR YOU!" screeched at them first thing.
It's great you can communicate, even multiple times a day. But if you have to go a day or a few days you will be okay. Buck up and make great things happen for you while you wait."
More about "Margaret" .......my blog is where "I will share my story as a Navy fiance then Navy wife going through deployment. We are not your typical 20-something, military, soon-to-be newlyweds. We had both been on our adult paths for a while before we met and have been together for several years now. I knew very little about the military life until I went out on a blind date with a retired Army special forces guy 18 months before I met "Mr. Hart" (as the love of my life will be known here). That brief relationship opened me up to a new world I knew nothing about and prepared me for a joyful journey with the right guy, my Mr. Hart and his daughter. We'll call her "Clementine."
Due to my partner's desire for privacy and the necessity to consider OPSEC and PERSEC I will not share names or places except in vague details. I do this out of respect for my Mr. Hart and the military, his safety and the success of his mission. "Margaret" is the name he calls me in a fancy pretend British accent when he feels the need to be excessively charming and make me laugh. This might include moments when he knows he's on the verge of the doghouse and is scrambling for sure footing...and much to my chagrin it works every time.
Because I do not live near any other military families, I am so grateful for the books, DVDs, online resources and blogs where I have been able to connect with other military spouses. Their advice and shared wisdom have been invaluable to me. I will definitely be sharing more about that in coming days. But I will say they have saved my sanity.
I have been documenting my experiences with deployment for a few months now and look forward to sharing them here with you. It has been nothing like I expected. I hope that my honest and candid stories will help other military spouses deal with the unique challenges of deployment and find some often needed comfort and understanding.
Despite the need for privacy and security online, I am very willing and interested to connect with military spouses and others interested in the lives of a deployed military family. Please feel free to email me at midlifenavywife at gmail dot com."